"true factor"

today i discovered a new thing in me which was in me bt i was nt aware of it...tht thing is my need of"true factor"
whtever i wnt in my life shd b "true"...true frnds,true luv, true feelings, true relations...true conscious. evrythin shd b true...true...true..!! sunne me achha lag sakta hai ye word "true" bt milna bahut mushkil hai , i tell u..
in cheezo k sath prob ye hai ki milni toh hai nahi bas sapne he dekhte reh jao aur agar aap lucky rahe n upar describe ki hui cheejo me se aap ko kuch mil bhi jae toh aap k bhav badh jate hai...u start desiring 4 more...take ex. of me:
true frnd- i hav it
true life-dnt knw
true conscious-may b
true relations-dnt knw
true heart-i hav it
last bt nt d least true love-iske baare me ..m sure"kabhi nhi hoga"..


meri maniye toh u also remove dis "true" word frm ur dictionary ...jo mile usse kaam chala lo..
ye jo "true "vali philosophy hai na..bechare se dil k charo taraf ek strong vali deewar bana deti hai...jispe har normal, "not-so-true bt gud" bande ke liye "NO ENTRY" likha hota hai...vaise ye normal "not-so-true-bt gud" cheeje bhi buri nhi hoti...:) bt if u have tht wall around ur heart like me..toh aapko un cheejo ki achhaiya bhi dikhai nhi deti...n if fortunately dikh bhi jaye toh aap use ignore karte ho...coz entry toh deni nahi hai use heart me....
sooo bachaiye bechare se apne masoom dil ko iss bimari se...coz in d wait of "true" , "normal"....n "nt-so -true-bt gud" will leave u frever n won't cum again..
don't look for perfection all d tym...!

Missing_Links_

Howdy friends…!

Nwdays m facing a drastic change in myself…yeah I mean..earlier I was well known for believing ppl. Easily now I don’t trust..hmm..so many questions come to my mind regarding a person..abt their intentions. behavior n all. I don’t knw y?????...i guess pehle in colg tym I was surrounded by my best buddied..:) but then colg finished n v grew at once… I wish those days cud hav remained forever. These things r running like hell in my mind. Soo..v were discussing the “trust”. Whn frnds were there everythin seemed so protective…in every decision …confusion …whtever we used to get valuable advices, or sumtyms warning(I used to get lotz of them hehe…)
Thnx to my frnd …but know be it making new frnds, buying a new dress or watching a new movie…sab kuch khud he karna padta hai…!:(

I think its not easy for me to build tht kind of trust again..may be I don’t wanna do tht.!
U knw once I was reading my orkut scraps and….and I read those scraps tht used to make me upset..but whn I read them again..i got to knw tht my frnds were right..i was realy crazy..:)..but still tht was also a passion..n quite natural.. ab I miss tht passion…feelings..like I hav become a dry person..tht I never wanted to be..!

Iss situation pe pankaj udhas ki kuch lines yaad aa gyi “ kya honge hum kharab…zamana kharab hai..”!!!

Not my fault..m just responding to this selfish world..coz here feelings doesn’t matter…everybody has a motive to be fulfilled..
I miss my kinda world…!!

ROCKSTARZ

U know when u have so much to say..u don’t find words. Same thing is happening with me..i have a full story but ab lag raha hai..y to write so much its just one line that taught me lot.” Whatever happens ..happens according to god’s will”.

I was worried…upset. disappointed ..tht y things r not happening as I planned them, where is my fault.. I have gud intention , dedication…nw I knw tht y it was so…coz things were happening according to god’s plan..which is above all…

There was a reason behind everything. Reason …was , hmmm…I guess god wanted me to see the so called practical life…n yeah..nw I hav bit experience of it...

Basically I learnt a lot…tht life is harsh, full of stupids n morons…who tried to manipulate ..

For a while I was realy upset bcoz of my professional life. Nw I knw clearly tht professional and personal goals should not be mixed anyhow. Apne kaam me itna bhi jyada involve nhi hona chahiye..:)

My event oops ..sry not mine I shd say “the event” “ROCKSTARZ” gave me lott.. I needed that practical touch of world hehe…

We never claim sumthing as “my”, “mine”, “myself”. We shd dedicate everything to GOD. I did that mistake and he taught me in his way..!!

Anyways…as I learned some imp. Lessons in life...so I also can say “I have experience”.(never got a chance to talk like matures )

"deja vu"....

where hav i been?? ...i knw iknw its been long since i upgraded my blog ..no excuses...cozi hav run out of thm..actully the thing is tht i was dead lazy to post anything though i hav written two posts but didn't type them . anyways...

i opened my eyes n found i was in a long corridor n whn i came outside d corridor..wht i saw..was a military base camp..a helicopter takin cadets to sumwhre.there were commanders n al, military officers..one of my school frnd told me to go into tht big chopper. i sat in it.i was afraid ,i never were inside the helicoptor ..hightphobia was also d reason...v reached to d hostel.there were two wings ,one for the gals n another one 4 d guys. i was shocked to c..wht m doin here?? few days back i was planning for an event "a rockband competition"...suddenly wht hapnned...my whole life was changed...my kind of girl...simple,artistic,cute,writer...was in military school....learning how to fire...#$%wht the hell...


we get up early in d morng...these army ppl. don' undersand tht i used to get up @ 9 am...tough life here...!
@5 am...we were doing parade,running,,jumping..u knw this experience was not tht bad actully i luv to wear those army uniforms..i luk more cute in thm..:) and feeling of being patriotic is quite awsum...we were goin to mess for our breakfast...and suddenly....I WOKE UP..n i found tht it was a dream...!! oh god..it was 8:30 a,..n i was getting late to get ready 4 my office,but wht a dream i had...:) superb...had fun ..it is like...get the feeling of"deja vu"(feeling somethin tht never hav happened or u never did..means experiencing without doings hav u ever felt.,..."deja vu"...i felt...!!

The last wish…..!

Just imagine…one day u get a news on tv channel..(anyone of them…they do the same thing …keep repeating “breaking news”…!)
Lets cum back to the point…if u get to know tht after 15 days or lets say 20 days the earth will be finished ….over …lost in the space…whtteverr….in short u have only 15 or 20 days to live…I know it sounds stupid but seriously if this happens..wht u will wanna do…don’t think abt the money or other resources, u will need to fulfill ur desire…just concentrate on ur …wishes…dreams…! Let ur imagination fly.



I mean…if I get a chance …hmmm I wud like to spend this tym wid my frnds…hangouts wid them, treats….wanna go to to scary house again..hehe…a small trip to London, Italy etc etc. n yes …wanna slap few ones…jor se…!! ohhh shit….ranbir se bhi toh milna hai…so will have to save one day for him…roller coaster ride , stage performance in auditorium full of ppl…n baaki bache hue dino me koi family trip..:)I think …this programme is enuf for 15 or 20 days..if I wud get more days…my list wud be longer . u know thts what I wanna say..there is nothing like “last wish” , when we get something, we want more of tht..actully aisa kuch hai he nahi jiske baad hame lage..ki ab hame kuch nahi chahiye…!
Wishes r like stars in the sky..khatam he nahi hoti…but still we should wish for something or other..it gives us reason to live…so whats ur last wish????....:)

चिड़िया ....

wanna share a superb poem by mahadevi verma...so simlpe...sooo expressive...they were realy gr8 ppl. who wrote such things...!




आंधी आई जोर शोर से
डाली टूटी है झकोर से
उड़ा घोसला बेचारी का
किस से अपनी बात कहेगी ...
अब ये चिड़िया कहाँ रहेगी..?




घर में पेड़ कहाँ से लाये
कैसे ये घोसला बनाये
कैसे फूटे अंडे जोड़े ...
किस से ये सब बात कहेगी..
अब ये चिड़िया कहाँ रहेगी...?

"life outside window"

a long way...an empty road...half dried fields...and soo much to see..inside the window i have limited option coz i have to see only some ppl. sitting in the bus..talking, sleeping..n outside the window i can see full life...!


chotte chotte ghar..painted white..paas me hukka peete hue an old man whose wrinkles tells abt his experience throughout his life.



n there are some women goin to their home probably..its so hot outside..they have worn bright colors ..like flowers..widout concerning penetrating sunlight...seeing them only makin me feel hot...



when we moved further n sunlight took bit rest..we could see the trees...dry, yet strong...standing alone in the field..vaha ek ped pe chhota sa monkey bhi hai..:)

lookin those trees for a moment it felt as if somebody is raising their hand in prayer..i thought ..if they pray..wht would they ask??
then i saw its branches...n then its emptiness..i guess tress were praying for greenary...all rajasthani trees do..:)some of them had got for which they prayed..their hands were full of green bunch of leaves..there r more leaves to come...pedo ki daliya abhi aur jhuk jayengi...! hum insaan agar chahte to ab tak inse kitna kuch sikh jate...duae kabul hone pe jhuk jaana...!


trees never move...unke liye jaha jade hai..vahi jeevan hai..saari khushiya , saare dukh vahi usi jagah par..its not a easy life...waiting for monsoon, sometimes bearing harshness of sun..or sometimes playing with cold breezes...!


for a long time..we have lived with beautiful nature...we have done many things for making our life enchanting..but still jab bhi bahar thandi thandi hawaaye chalti hai toh hum inn pedo ki taraf jhankne lagte hai...ghar me saare jamaane ka sajo saaman ho..par baarish jaisa koi nazara hum nahi bana paye,...mausmo ko naye rango me sanjone ki humne chahe jitni koshish ki ho..lekin na toh pehli baarish se aane vali mitti ki sondhi mahak bana paye...na pattio se chankar aati pani ki boondo jaisa natural fountain..;)

if we could learn...we have universities at each steps..!!



(this is my experience, which i wrote..while travelling udaipur to jodhpur.)