DIL TOH PAGAL HAI..!!

Today I was watching SRK’s movie “Dil toh pagal hai” on TV,tht movie reminded me the blunder I did to me.
I was in 9th when I saw DTPH.
slip-up was the tag line of movie, “ sumwhere someone is made for you.”…!!!
and I stupid-crazy-about-movies, thought tht this is true..”sumwhre sum1 is made for you”…yuck…bullshit..!
tht was just a dialogue n I made it the hardcore truth of my life..:(silly me..started waiting for tht “sumone”..but tht sumone didn’t come..!! n thts nt gonna happen even..!

I know m saying this tht I-hate- love n all things but somewhere inside me I still believe this tht some one spcl.is realy made 4 u..but wht if he doesn’t come..??wht wud I do..? if it is like tht than all married couples …r they made for each other..? n if nt how they live their life wid whom they were not meant to b..?
Ohh God…indian women are realy gr8…they compromises their all dreams…but m nt like this…I can’t live happily with some1 who is not for me…but thts not the only prob..if by mistake tht sumone spcl. will come..m sure I will lose him with my BIG ego..or else he will leave me bcoz of “my nakhre”….anyways..if he..i mean.. if he cud wait..i will never let tht person go..!!

“corner of peace “..

I go to restaurants wid my frnds,enjoy romantic movies @ theater , get crazy abt filmstars, like good looking cricketers ,love to wear trendy cloths,had fun in college tym…dream abt prince charming..i mean I do all d things wht an ordinary girl love to do..but there is something unstable , something different..or I shd use d proper word..somethin weird inside me..(I doubt may b its spirituality ).:(inside me.
Whnever i sit alone I think abt the meaning or purpose of my life..”why m here?” there must b a reason ..n I want to knw some kind of divine or sacred answer of this question.
I don’t want to choose a particular path in my life or like m afraid of committing myself for a certain thing..for ex. If u wud ask me to b someone’s wife and manage his house whole life ,I wont b able to do tht..may b I wil do it one day..bt dis wud not be satisfactory. It is kinda instability I feel in me….as in I like to switch my life to different things , whenever I want ..i wish to have total control on it.
M puzzled abt the question of life ..our existence on d earth..? is it to find out a soulmate?...to get a perfact job..?....to fulfill our desires..or just to accept d things that happen to us.

Seeking answer for these questions is like putting urself in trouble …bt widout knowing d answer ..nothing in life make sense to me.
I just want a “corner of peace “..in this world ..where whenever I get tired , confused by all thses question ,..i cud sit alone for hours n seek d answers from myself….

"true factor"

today i discovered a new thing in me which was in me bt i was nt aware of it...tht thing is my need of"true factor"
whtever i wnt in my life shd b "true"...true frnds,true luv, true feelings, true relations...true conscious. evrythin shd b true...true...true..!! sunne me achha lag sakta hai ye word "true" bt milna bahut mushkil hai , i tell u..
in cheezo k sath prob ye hai ki milni toh hai nahi bas sapne he dekhte reh jao aur agar aap lucky rahe n upar describe ki hui cheejo me se aap ko kuch mil bhi jae toh aap k bhav badh jate hai...u start desiring 4 more...take ex. of me:
true frnd- i hav it
true life-dnt knw
true conscious-may b
true relations-dnt knw
true heart-i hav it
last bt nt d least true love-iske baare me ..m sure"kabhi nhi hoga"..


meri maniye toh u also remove dis "true" word frm ur dictionary ...jo mile usse kaam chala lo..
ye jo "true "vali philosophy hai na..bechare se dil k charo taraf ek strong vali deewar bana deti hai...jispe har normal, "not-so-true bt gud" bande ke liye "NO ENTRY" likha hota hai...vaise ye normal "not-so-true-bt gud" cheeje bhi buri nhi hoti...:) bt if u have tht wall around ur heart like me..toh aapko un cheejo ki achhaiya bhi dikhai nhi deti...n if fortunately dikh bhi jaye toh aap use ignore karte ho...coz entry toh deni nahi hai use heart me....
sooo bachaiye bechare se apne masoom dil ko iss bimari se...coz in d wait of "true" , "normal"....n "nt-so -true-bt gud" will leave u frever n won't cum again..
don't look for perfection all d tym...!

Missing_Links_

Howdy friends…!

Nwdays m facing a drastic change in myself…yeah I mean..earlier I was well known for believing ppl. Easily now I don’t trust..hmm..so many questions come to my mind regarding a person..abt their intentions. behavior n all. I don’t knw y?????...i guess pehle in colg tym I was surrounded by my best buddied..:) but then colg finished n v grew at once… I wish those days cud hav remained forever. These things r running like hell in my mind. Soo..v were discussing the “trust”. Whn frnds were there everythin seemed so protective…in every decision …confusion …whtever we used to get valuable advices, or sumtyms warning(I used to get lotz of them hehe…)
Thnx to my frnd …but know be it making new frnds, buying a new dress or watching a new movie…sab kuch khud he karna padta hai…!:(

I think its not easy for me to build tht kind of trust again..may be I don’t wanna do tht.!
U knw once I was reading my orkut scraps and….and I read those scraps tht used to make me upset..but whn I read them again..i got to knw tht my frnds were right..i was realy crazy..:)..but still tht was also a passion..n quite natural.. ab I miss tht passion…feelings..like I hav become a dry person..tht I never wanted to be..!

Iss situation pe pankaj udhas ki kuch lines yaad aa gyi “ kya honge hum kharab…zamana kharab hai..”!!!

Not my fault..m just responding to this selfish world..coz here feelings doesn’t matter…everybody has a motive to be fulfilled..
I miss my kinda world…!!

ROCKSTARZ

U know when u have so much to say..u don’t find words. Same thing is happening with me..i have a full story but ab lag raha hai..y to write so much its just one line that taught me lot.” Whatever happens ..happens according to god’s will”.

I was worried…upset. disappointed ..tht y things r not happening as I planned them, where is my fault.. I have gud intention , dedication…nw I knw tht y it was so…coz things were happening according to god’s plan..which is above all…

There was a reason behind everything. Reason …was , hmmm…I guess god wanted me to see the so called practical life…n yeah..nw I hav bit experience of it...

Basically I learnt a lot…tht life is harsh, full of stupids n morons…who tried to manipulate ..

For a while I was realy upset bcoz of my professional life. Nw I knw clearly tht professional and personal goals should not be mixed anyhow. Apne kaam me itna bhi jyada involve nhi hona chahiye..:)

My event oops ..sry not mine I shd say “the event” “ROCKSTARZ” gave me lott.. I needed that practical touch of world hehe…

We never claim sumthing as “my”, “mine”, “myself”. We shd dedicate everything to GOD. I did that mistake and he taught me in his way..!!

Anyways…as I learned some imp. Lessons in life...so I also can say “I have experience”.(never got a chance to talk like matures )

"deja vu"....

where hav i been?? ...i knw iknw its been long since i upgraded my blog ..no excuses...cozi hav run out of thm..actully the thing is tht i was dead lazy to post anything though i hav written two posts but didn't type them . anyways...

i opened my eyes n found i was in a long corridor n whn i came outside d corridor..wht i saw..was a military base camp..a helicopter takin cadets to sumwhre.there were commanders n al, military officers..one of my school frnd told me to go into tht big chopper. i sat in it.i was afraid ,i never were inside the helicoptor ..hightphobia was also d reason...v reached to d hostel.there were two wings ,one for the gals n another one 4 d guys. i was shocked to c..wht m doin here?? few days back i was planning for an event "a rockband competition"...suddenly wht hapnned...my whole life was changed...my kind of girl...simple,artistic,cute,writer...was in military school....learning how to fire...#$%wht the hell...


we get up early in d morng...these army ppl. don' undersand tht i used to get up @ 9 am...tough life here...!
@5 am...we were doing parade,running,,jumping..u knw this experience was not tht bad actully i luv to wear those army uniforms..i luk more cute in thm..:) and feeling of being patriotic is quite awsum...we were goin to mess for our breakfast...and suddenly....I WOKE UP..n i found tht it was a dream...!! oh god..it was 8:30 a,..n i was getting late to get ready 4 my office,but wht a dream i had...:) superb...had fun ..it is like...get the feeling of"deja vu"(feeling somethin tht never hav happened or u never did..means experiencing without doings hav u ever felt.,..."deja vu"...i felt...!!

The last wish…..!

Just imagine…one day u get a news on tv channel..(anyone of them…they do the same thing …keep repeating “breaking news”…!)
Lets cum back to the point…if u get to know tht after 15 days or lets say 20 days the earth will be finished ….over …lost in the space…whtteverr….in short u have only 15 or 20 days to live…I know it sounds stupid but seriously if this happens..wht u will wanna do…don’t think abt the money or other resources, u will need to fulfill ur desire…just concentrate on ur …wishes…dreams…! Let ur imagination fly.



I mean…if I get a chance …hmmm I wud like to spend this tym wid my frnds…hangouts wid them, treats….wanna go to to scary house again..hehe…a small trip to London, Italy etc etc. n yes …wanna slap few ones…jor se…!! ohhh shit….ranbir se bhi toh milna hai…so will have to save one day for him…roller coaster ride , stage performance in auditorium full of ppl…n baaki bache hue dino me koi family trip..:)I think …this programme is enuf for 15 or 20 days..if I wud get more days…my list wud be longer . u know thts what I wanna say..there is nothing like “last wish” , when we get something, we want more of tht..actully aisa kuch hai he nahi jiske baad hame lage..ki ab hame kuch nahi chahiye…!
Wishes r like stars in the sky..khatam he nahi hoti…but still we should wish for something or other..it gives us reason to live…so whats ur last wish????....:)