ITS YOU..!!

 who i feel around me..

when no one is there..its you..!!

thoughts of whom i desire..

when nothing to share..its you..!!

seven billion people  in this world exist

but who is the one i care..its you..!!

when i lose my hope..in my own faith

who i look up to..its you..!!

days and nights  and i think more than that

who i waited for..its you..!!

what its like i am not sure

a dream..or a dream come true..its you..!!

a shooting star, a sky brighten blue

a beautiful journey i am going through ..its you...!!

ab kahin nahi jana..!!

hajaro ki bheed me..
anjani pehchano ke sath
vo jo hai, barso se na hui mulakat..
aisa hamdard, jise dekhne ke baad
lage...ab kahin nahi jana..!!

kabhi kabhar ki udasi
aankho me jo aa jati
duniya ki halchul bhi jise..
har bar na bhar pati..
mann ke uss sannate ko karde aabad..!!
uski ek muskurahat ke baad
lage..ab kahin nahi jana..!!

har baat ko karde aasa..
dard ko ojhal..
meri ansuljhi pareshaniyo ka..
jiske paas ho hal..
marham sa asar karti hui,uski baat
gehraiyo tak sukun jo bharde..vo halaat..ki
lage ..ab kahin nahi jana...!!

baatein jo na tumhe batai..
vo lamhe jo na bate tumse..
itni ankahi keh paungi kaise..
hawao ke hath bheju ya lu khat ka sath..
dil ki pati, dil he se padhte aise jazbaat..ki
lage..ab kahin nahi jana...!!

lage ...ab kahin nahi jana..!!

NEPAL: A JOURNEY BEYOND WORDS..!!

6:15 , I am sitting on old Delhi  railway station , waiting for our connecting train. And thought of writing my next blog post…guess what.. I am dying to pen it down..i  don’t know  whether it would be possible to set down the exact emotions we felt.

Its not that nobody had trip which we had..its not that no group had ever enjoyed the way we did. Its that ..it is incomparable!!!! This voyage  had its own elements of fun…friendship ..pretty troubles  at times…its..its..unexpected…unplanned…bizarre ..:P happy­- moments- wali –journey. Its NEPAL..!!

Well..i had never been on journey where I was in group of people who were hardly known to me. But I also  have never been on journey where I had been so happy in each and every single moment.!!

Oh..you haven’t met them…?  Ok then  lets meet “them”..my tripmates..you all made this journey worthwhile.

Noni: she reminds me of my lil sister, a cute, charming, and talkative girl. We both shared quite a time together..shared views. She  was youngest in group and enclosed the group with her energy..!

Anjali, a cute ,gorgeous ,fun girl and dilkhush..hey “ main aadhaa….introduction dungi tera..”:P you know you made us laugh real hard..your jokes on me n my sis..:P and thanx for  taking lovely pictures dude.

Vikram, seems to be aggressive but is protective and caring too. Thanks for being there while shopping..you bargain the best.:) Ashi..hmm quite, calm ,mature girl. ..the time I  spent with you was significant somehow.your silence has volume. Thanks to both of you.

Kiki: (my sis) she is the best..:P I know she was shocked many a times throughout  trip..:P

Abhishek, I mean ..what to say..this trip would have been incomplete without you. Its not you were the only one who took the responsibility but you were the only one who took the responsibility  all the time..!! you had solution for every situation..& thanks for being in senses when most of us  were not..you know what I mean…:P

Shit..!! I lost my aadhar card during trip…!!:( (a sudden  remembrance) sorry..shall we begin the journey..Vamos a empezar

23^rd June: leaving from jodhpur

It was around 4:30 am..i got up..we had our train at 6:30 am. Though I am big girl now but the thrill was like  a little girl who was about to go on a school trip#those lil butterflies in stomach # .In india ,trains are hardly on time ..Ranikhet express(Jodhpur to haldwani) was no exception .it was about half and hour late..I met my going to be tourmates , had formal greetings.

No network ..roaming..low battery..part of travelling..!! I was told to switch off my cell phone (due to extra charges)as soon as we reach to Nepal but I did it when I was in india only..:P. @ 4:30 am we were at haldvani.we took a bus for Banbasa..a small town..last Indian station for Nepal. we reached to banbasa in just about two and a half hrs. we checked out our ID proofs..coz we were actually goin to cross the border..!! doesn’t it give a strange feeling..?? :P crossing the border n all..it make us realize that yeah…we are Indians..!! elections were goin on in banbasa so we had to cross the border with our heavy bags..walked 2 km. I guess in humid afternoon..pheww..!! we were in another country..!! I was trying to find the difference  between the clothes..faces..etc etc..but they were  not as much as I thought. But Nepal’s economy is quite weak..and that was Clearly visible.  It was damn hot climate..tanned faces with pimples doesn’t look that pretty..:P well..it happens…!!

24^th June: Arrival to real Nepal:

By  bus we reached to Mahendra nagar..I don’t want to but I will call it discouraging city. Filthy surroundings…worst transport services..liquor shops  all around..cheap locals..and  cherry on the top ..climate..was..awfully humid…sticky..terrible  hotel services  and tasteless food  made it horrendous. Once we felt like goin back to india..but somehow and luckily  we controlled the emotions..:P the best thing we did that we hired a taxi for rest of our Nepal Darshan..but you know what I mentioned  about  Mahendra nagar…we had to wait for hours for that taxi..!! I was feeling low ..energyless..and desperately wanted a glass of fresh juice..but I couldn’t find itL..for an instant I felt it wasn’t worth ..!! and I thank god that I was wrong…!!:)

Leaving for Pokhra: 24^th June we left for pokhra..the main destination of our trip. Sorry…!! Did I say pokhra..?? it wasn’t that near as it sounds. It took us around 14-a5 hrs drive..yes it was exhausting  but fun was never missing. We were 8 friends in a Scorpio , finding it  hard to get settled in our sleeping position. Still we were singing..chatting..and keeping our Indian driver “sonu”  awake..seat beside him was having the pleasure of each of us …zig zag drive way..it was dark so we couldn’t enjoy the greenery ..but what we witnessed  was much more than just seeing the greenery..!! long  trees…filled with lightbugs… blinking in the star light.. breathtaking..!! as if night was celebrating the Christmas ..!!sights like this makes you feel what a great artist God is..!! we took 5 min. halt there..but will keep the view in hearts forever..!!..i think travelling  makes you modest..you see what a tiny place you occupy in the world..!! like those small light bugs..we also are small part of this immense nature.:)

@ Palpa fall:25^th June

Early morning we arrived at  palpa..a b’ful place..lush green, mountains..hazy  weather …having tea there..playing with john(dog)  and great fun at palpa fall..all were surreal..!!freshness of water took away our  drowsiness of journey..:))

We started again and around 12:30 pm we were in “pokhra.” it is modern,cool,city..shoppers paradise. If you can bargain..yes..welcome to city pokhra. Bags, souvenir ,shoes, clothes etc etc. but for us foremost  catch  was BAGS..!! back to the city..its surrounded by high hills..roofed by clouds..and the famous “fewa lake”..pokhra has it international vibes ..bars, cafes, live music playing on , almost no traffic..and for the soul…PEACE..!!

Staying is quite cheap..we stayed at “traveler’s guest house” a cheap and nice place to be at. As the day passed..and light, cool breezes touched our faces, we got in the mood of feeling  the nerve of this city. Wherever you go becomes a part of you some how..!!  we party hard that night. Unlike the afternoon weather was quite cool..infact  it was raining..:)

26^th June:  next morning we all got up late due to last night of course..;) we dressed up  and left for our next spot in pokhra peace stupa. Pokhara peace Stupa is a Buddhist pagoda-style monument on a hilltop in Ananda hill of Pumdi Bhumdi Village Development Committee, in the district of Kaski, Nepal. The spot situated at the height of 1100 meters. Standing on top of the Ananda hill, Shanti Stupa adds more beauty to Pokhara Valley. It is a perfect holiday place providing a clear view of the Himalayan range, Fewa Lake andPokhara city….well…after this we moved to gupteshwar cave..as the name suggests ..its somewhat  “gupt” I thought cave would be scary coz I fear darkness but it wasn’t. it was b’ful. Water droplets were falling from the roof of the cave and stairs were steep. The golden and silver blushes on some parts of the wall along with the beach-sand like appearance of the floor . we moved towards the water fall coming from Devi's fall. It was equally good even if I missed the spot in “wish pool” but my wish of having a great trip was already fulfilled.:))

There is always little things which give  the great  experiences ..”laughing with friends..sitting in silence near phewa lake..meeting new people..just wandering around  pokhra streets…enjoying the coffee in rain…taking random clicks…having nice small conversations …biking in mountains..sharing momos..boating in rain..making Sparta..having tea during  midnight  drive..catching the light bugs…travelling in truck ...i mean what not..its making me nostalgic..:)L

Sometimes words are not enough to express such an experience..for me individually this trip has been one of the best thing that happened to me. I was free..on  my own..fulfilled some of the vital-cum –creepy desires.:P

 I travelled not only to some other country but into my own self. Anyways ..!! last day in pokhra made all of us sad. It was to be..but every good thing comes to an end..and our destination nainital proved to be  awesome end of this whole trip. We didn’t want this journey to end but you go away ,so that you can come back ..so that you can see the place you came from with new eyes and extra colors..coming back to where you started is not the same as never leaving.

So much to write about but I can’t and  there should be some unsaid words….unexpressed feelings ..Undescribed beauty ..to keep such stuffs  alive in your memories..:))

Noni..anjali…abhishek..vikram..dilkhush..aashi..kiki…love you all..and thank you for making this journey unforgettable..:))))

I treasure this journey..!!!

"everything-illusion"

I don't know what you might think about the heading..:everything illusion"...ummm you may think that "everything is illusion" or you may think "illusion is everything"...shit..!! sorry for my absurd  sense of  humor sometimes...ok..!! i end this guessing game..
well..."everything -illusion " is my illusion..ok let me start with this, "the reality"..It seems that one person can not give another everything"..you are right. very smart.very astute.very sensible..with this rationale at the back of your mind you will never be in danger of demanding too much from another person and without this burden you can settle instead for simply contributing to their happiness. This saves energy for more so called difficult times. Its how people live together,its how people get married, its how promises are delivered . And now comes my illusion.."it seems that one person can not give another everything..but..it should be one's ambition and one should never stop trying"..!!

I am not much convinced with the idea of "partnership of convenience " are created,consolidated,neglected,wrenched,saved and how they pull through in the end. Major task..!! i have great deal of respect for all that honestly. i do. but I can't be, don't want to be,don't think like this.
i don't think relationships should be made outta convinience. somebody has same status...lets be together, somebody has same family values ,same culture,same society..lets be together..??

one should be genuinely interested in another's life. one should be willing to do anything for someones's happiness..i know all sounds too demanding but I am saying this as part of doing not part of expecting..!1

people might say "who has time to give someone everything".."there are other issues too.".."day to day struggle" " inflation", "politics", "relatives" " and TV too..funny..!!

i would just say one needs to think why they are running for, chasing for and then you won't find this everything -illusion...just a illusion..!

my mother think its dangerous illusion for a girl..:P i might not get anyone to marry..;P..well thats a possibility...:P lets see...!!

"TRUST BEING"

Time and again we get to hear that “its hard to come across  even a one person whom you could trust “. And its not myth too.  How to dig up these kind of human beings???  Few days back ,I wanted to make this my face book status.. “ you are lucky if you are having someone you can blindly trust, who would never hurt you..!! who would not play with your feelings..!! then you will be in heaven..!!”  but  hey ..!! one thought stopped me to do this. Which was yeah..its imperative  to find that trust worthy person in life and its equally easier- said- than- done too. But you know whats more important ? ..its “To be that trustworthy person..!!” on whom someone could have faith, on whom someone could rely any time.

To be like this is such a tremendous feeling. Coz if you are like someone who is so mentally strong that “blaming”, “expectation” are no longer in his\her dictionary then you can love truly..!! its hard sometimes you might get hurt ,however you don’t feel as you cheated someone, not being honest..you were best at what you were behaving …doing..and being..!!

And the beauty of , I would call , becoming “TRUST BEING”( alien form of human being:P) is that you are not in any guilt. Its purity you feel ..i have seen people who claim they are guilty(not sure if they realy are..:P) are suffering all the time. And its true guilt is huge affliction.

When you are guilty or feeling sad about not having someone to trust or any negative feeling which makes you insecure and empty inside. Don’t look for trust factor outside..the key is to find it inside ..!! TRUST YOURSELF  and there will be no void. Fill yourself with honesty ,truth,love,acceptance and forgiveness and here you go..!! A trust being is ready .its good for you and its good for others too.:)

So becoming “trust being” is a process..a journey and its destination is purity of soul..!!:)

Then you can connect better with ppl. ..love better..& become better…!! And so don’t always look for these “trust beings”..just try to be..!!:)

GOD DOES NOT MAKE MISTAKES..everything happens for a reason...!!

i am feeling like i am in "zero state"..a state where you have nothing to lose, there is not a single thing or event which i have to control ...no burden on my shoulder...

i don't have to bother about my life's action plan coz there is none...:P:P because when i had plans..nothin worked out my way...when i was trying to control things ,it went in vain.. There was a time( i guess 2 days before writing this..:P) i was thinking that why don't normal things happen with me? why don't GOD give me some obvious outcomes? why don't my troubles disappear in expected way..? and after so many rounds of thinking and thinking...i got devine insight of this matter..:P "i never wanted so called normal things in my life"...n GOD listened  to me...!!

and if i say that i am feeling free now it means i'have stopped controlling  my destiny..though i never had but i felt so..if i would have controlled my destiny..my life would have been filled with nonsense....:P

now i am not afraid to trust the god's plan..i have cancelled mine..i don't bother what decisions,situations he choose for me..i am trusting him..!! I don't know where he would lead me to..i want to hold his hand and walk with him..and explore the life from his eyes..!!

you know we believe it or not everything happens for a reason...we blame our destiny ..but accept that god's plans are always better than ours.Make sure you are doing what God wants you to do--then do it with all your strength..if he has put you on a difficult situation , must be some reason no..be cool..he is there for you...so no fuss from now on...

khuda se yaari

jab teri aawaz sunai deti hai..
lagta hai, khuda nibha raha hai humse yaari..

tera aana aisa lagta hai
jaise sardi ki dhoop
pyar se khil jati hai
phoolo ki jaise kyari..
lagta hai, khuda nibha rha hai humse yaari..

tujhse pehle bhi jia hai mene..
dil me the armaan tab bhi..
par kyu jinda si lagti hai ab..
ye jindagi sari..
lagta hai khuda nibha raha hai humse yaari..

tera milna jaise kismat ki baat hai..
yu toh bhatak rahe the hum
apne he saaye ke peeche..
khud ke hone ka ehsaas mila
jab laga ke himmat hari..
lagta hai khuda nibha raha hai humse yaari..

"talking etc."

In this life time ,we all are running after something or others.it can be anything dreams,career,relationships,peace,happiness etc etc.


This chasing has made our life restless..something is always goin on in our head..whatever we do..wherever we go..!! there is not a single moment when we are thoughtless. A little thought ,worry ,fear ,stress will surely sneak into your mind.if these thoughts are positive then certainly they will make that moment valuable but if they are not..your smile will be fleeting.

So what is that ultimate thing we are looking for..running for? Believe me..money has lost the battle long back. Rest is peace ,happiness,love..they may seem 3 different elements but they are one or you can say similar/equal.love is happiness,happiness is peace and vice versa.

Luckily there is no competitive exam to get these 3 things.:P

I mean ..one doesn’t need to run after them .these things are blessings/gifts from god, Which god gives to everybody but unfortunately we either forget to realize them or we ourselves give them away..and keep on blaming God..even I do that a lot.”God why me?”, “that’s not fair…god , you are bad, I hate you”,”am I the only one”? we all do that often.

“god’s job is to give us flowers ” Hmmm sounds unrealistic na???..it is ..damn unrealistic..!!God is bad..bad..bad..!! see again I am doin my job”blaming” hehe

Sorry god ..it happens..i didn’t mean it no..:) aahh I lose my temper nwdays. Haa but god doesn’t give flowers all the time. But whatever he gives is a pure blessing..this also sounds wavering??? C’mon isse kam philosophy use nhi kar sakti main.:P

Itna funnily mene kabhi nahi likha,khudki baatein khud he contradict kar rhi hu..;) but kar sakti hu..its my blog:P

Its not necessary to teach all the time:P sometimes its better to learn..i am learning ..you too learn..do your own mistakes and learn…dusro ki galti se hum kabhi kuch nahi seekhte.

And why to go after depth of chasing anything. Just live yaar ..without thinking..atleast for sometime…LIVE..FORGET..FORGET..LIVE..!! and if you are not able to that it would be better to prepare for any competitive exam..::P

Bbye..have a nice day..

LOVE YOU MORE..

i was tryin to sleep but neend nahi aa rhi thi..some thots came to my mind n i jus saved it in my cell..hv a look..its abt how sometimes u don't want to find any reason to love sumone more..coz u know it goes without saying...

its not days..
its not night..i am waiting for..
it just a way to love you more..!!


I don't want to love you so much..
coz you are inside me as such..
that words are not i am looking for..
it just a way to love you more..!!


People can leave but love can never..
its not like seasons..
it will be there forever..
this is not much i am asking for..
it just a way to love you more..!!


You are in me or its a illusion..
I can feel you without any reason..
losing you i can't take anymore..
it just a way to love you more..!!

"THAT WON'T HAPPEN WITH ME"...!!

We all must have seen couples crying on their relationships..what thoughts would have come in our mind??..”naah…that won’t happen with me, he /she loves me so much….we are so much into love”..right???

What you must have felt when you saw somebody got failed..again..”that wont happen with me”..i mean there are many instances ,when we think ..”no dude..thats not gonna happen with me”…!!may be we say that in a funny way..but that’s what we believe…realy..we don’t want to envisage any worst thing happening to us..as if we are some out –of-the-world creature..& nothing wrong will happen with us..but life..life is same for all of us..its about summers and winters..struggles ..problems at times..!!

Truth is everything changes..yeah it is…nothing remains same..our relationships..feelings..behaviours..people around us..they all change..!!
And these changes keep us bothered ..shattered sometimes..!! but instead of thinking “that won’t happen with me” we should focus on that how would we face that changes.
See pain is unavoidable but suffering is optional…there are only two option …either you fight with that change or walk away.. lose yourself..your identity..your respect..all your hopes..!!choice is yours..!

The people who have courage always chose the first option ..which is the right one..!its so easy to give up..anyway..

Now if we chose 1st option..how to go about it

You know ..in our life we think in a very low frame..we don’t see or understand the bigger picture..we concentrate only on that rushes of feelings..weak moments..and it become so easy to lose our self to that particular situation…we all do that..but if we could see that every little thing is happening for a bigger and better reason..a reason which is planned for us..by almighty ..we just need to believe him..!!

“some thing which is not meant for us..will not be with us..”..!!

But it takes time to completely understand and accept that truth..coz we all are so stubborn inside..we don’t like to do things ..which are against our will..our comfort zone …our beliefs..!! these are things which..may be..will not make any sense ..lets say after one year..but we make that thing so important that we even don’t mind ruining our life..of course unconsciously..coz we are not able to realize that..it happens all of a sudden..!BOOM..so many emotions..feelings..thoughts..and we just give up on that moment.

So”that won’t happen with me” is kinda illusionary sentence..

we are all humans..we do mistakes ..nothing wrong in that..but right thing to do after it..is learning from it..

what is to happen ,will happen…it makes no sense to get stuck with your mistakes..situations..coz nasty things will happen..people will keep hurting you…failures would be there and suffering as well..but if you will learn to face those problems..than you will be certainly out of it.

Remember one thing..never ..never…never…give up on someone or something..which is right…!!

Manali Trip....

This I wrote during my journey from Chandigarh to jodhpur.. Soo I am finally back from our trip to manali and only thing I can remember about it just fuckin travel. We just traveled ..sometimes by bus. Sometimes by car or by train.. long hours of travel ..i don’t know when I truly felt that I am on vacation at a very beautiful place …yeah it was hopelessly boring…but the scenery was no doubt overwhelming .but I couldn’t felt its charm by heart. We spent money more on having breakfast, lunches and dinners ..but not a single effort for having fun we should have had there…may be it comes from inside..now I have developed a kinda hatred for family outings…no I really do. Parents just want to protect you all the time..”don’t go there”..don’t go ahead”..”there are guys only”..wtf..i hate to be protected. I can care for myself ..and I don’t like when someone is guiding me each and every time. We took lots of pictures..the only good thing we did…it was stupid taking pics every min. but as longer as I look cute in them..i don’t mind it..:) My parents were continuously worried about the money hotel and transport people were making there..:P..c’mon we were on holiday..!! and they just used to talk about “why we are not getting home made food, fresh milk..cheap clothes..and the list goes on …:P The only moment I felt good throughout was when rashu called me up and said that why didn’t I inform her that I am going on vacation…I mean I was happy that still there are genuine people who care for you..i know sound freakishly negative but I do that a lot..people who know me understand why I am feeling so… I wanted that trip to be ended though I love to be close to nature but that wasn’t enough…so I craved to be home.i very much desired to meet navaab and my niece …two source of unconditional love…!! I am in the train & just have finished reading a novel”if its not forever..its not love”..by durjoy dutta & nikita singh. I wonder does a guy realy exist who could luv so honestly? Well now toh I don’t even believe that “love”exist ..let alone say guy..anyways I finished the novel in merely one day..in my train journey coming back to jodhpur..and it was quite good..worth reading..!! I am waiting to reach home ..and get drowned with my usual life..!! I wish I could have a wonderful trip next time..!!

"life with no reason.."

All the words I have said or written..
Feelings, fear and emotion interwoven..
Without you, had no meaning..
As if life with no reason..

Now the every bit of universe look happy
Entire world is having celebration..
Without you, had no meaning..
As if life with no reason..



Dreams seem true to me..
Reality is just an illusion
The way I feel now
Have no explanation…
Without you, had no meaning..
As if life with no reason..

It’s a beauty no one can see
It’s a journey to find me
C’mon ..leave this discussion..
Without you, had no meaning..
As if life with no reason..

“The best way…”

I was going through some quotes on internet just like that and I got stuck with this quote.

“best way to love is realizing that it will be lost”

I was confused that what it means..coz when we love something ,we can never think of losing it…!! But then I contemplated over it and realized that yeah..that sentence make sense…!!

Be it family,friends,gf,bf,your pets whoever …we have so much love for every relation.
When we love..We just ignore any possibility of losing it..i know love is such a strong power that makes humans unable to think anything beyond it.
So even thoughts of departing the one you love make sick .

Than..How to be so strong .?.

How to get our hearts agreed that the people we love so much will leave us one day..the reason can be anything ..Accident, illness or may be some other reason. Sometimes meeting and leaving is not in our hand. It is all destined sometimes.

“love is never meant to be with your loved ones..its about keeping them in your heart and always wish for their happiness..no matter they are with you or not...!!”

It hurts …when someone leaves you..!
It hurts….when you have to leave someone..!!
It hurts..when some dreams die..!

But that should not be the reason of keeping yourself away from love..coz some pains are worth taking.

Don’t you think it’s better to be extremely happy for a short while, even if you lose it..than to be just okay..for your whole life.?

love story

Lady: Why do you like me..? Why do you love me?


Man : I can't tell the reason. But I really like you...


Lady : You can't even tell me the reason... how can you say you like me? How can you say you love me?


Man : I really don't know the reason, but I can prove that I love you.


Lady : Proof? No! I want you to tell me the reason. My friend's boyfriend can tell her why he loves her but not you!


Man : Ok..ok!!! Erm... because you are beautiful,


because your voice is sweet,

because you are caring,

because you are loving,

because you are thoughtful,

because of your smile,

because of your every movements.

The lady felt very satisfied with the man's answer.


********

Unfortunately, a few days later, the Lady met with an accident and went into the coma stage.

The Guy then placed a letter by her side, and here is the content:



Darling,

Because of your sweet voice that I love you...Now can you talk? No! Therefore I cannot love you.

Because of your care and concern that I like you...Now that you cannot show them, therefore I cannot love you.

Because of your smile, because of your every movement that I love you...Now can you smile? Now can you move?

No, therefore, I cannot love you.

If love needs a reason, like now, there is no reason for me to love you anymore.

Does love need a reason? NO!

Therefore, I still love you...And love doesn't need a reason


With love always,

Forever yours.

*******

Relationships are hard to handle......might even seem impossible at times.
There will be many fights and many quarrels,

many disagreements and many tears.....

The easiest thing would be to give up.

But if we spent half the energy we use in fighting with each other,

and spend that energy in fighting to keep the relationship strong, then that is love……

Remember, in a relationship, giving up is not the solution Disagreements, fights and quarrels will always be there.

But you must always fight harder to stay together.

Some fights are truly worth fighting!

DIL TOH PAGAL HAI..!!

Today I was watching SRK’s movie “Dil toh pagal hai” on TV,tht movie reminded me the blunder I did to me.
I was in 9th when I saw DTPH.
slip-up was the tag line of movie, “ sumwhere someone is made for you.”…!!!
and I stupid-crazy-about-movies, thought tht this is true..”sumwhre sum1 is made for you”…yuck…bullshit..!
tht was just a dialogue n I made it the hardcore truth of my life..:(silly me..started waiting for tht “sumone”..but tht sumone didn’t come..!! n thts nt gonna happen even..!

I know m saying this tht I-hate- love n all things but somewhere inside me I still believe this tht some one spcl.is realy made 4 u..but wht if he doesn’t come..??wht wud I do..? if it is like tht than all married couples …r they made for each other..? n if nt how they live their life wid whom they were not meant to b..?
Ohh God…indian women are realy gr8…they compromises their all dreams…but m nt like this…I can’t live happily with some1 who is not for me…but thts not the only prob..if by mistake tht sumone spcl. will come..m sure I will lose him with my BIG ego..or else he will leave me bcoz of “my nakhre”….anyways..if he..i mean.. if he cud wait..i will never let tht person go..!!

“corner of peace “..

I go to restaurants wid my frnds,enjoy romantic movies @ theater , get crazy abt filmstars, like good looking cricketers ,love to wear trendy cloths,had fun in college tym…dream abt prince charming..i mean I do all d things wht an ordinary girl love to do..but there is something unstable , something different..or I shd use d proper word..somethin weird inside me..(I doubt may b its spirituality ).:(inside me.
Whnever i sit alone I think abt the meaning or purpose of my life..”why m here?” there must b a reason ..n I want to knw some kind of divine or sacred answer of this question.
I don’t want to choose a particular path in my life or like m afraid of committing myself for a certain thing..for ex. If u wud ask me to b someone’s wife and manage his house whole life ,I wont b able to do tht..may b I wil do it one day..bt dis wud not be satisfactory. It is kinda instability I feel in me….as in I like to switch my life to different things , whenever I want ..i wish to have total control on it.
M puzzled abt the question of life ..our existence on d earth..? is it to find out a soulmate?...to get a perfact job..?....to fulfill our desires..or just to accept d things that happen to us.

Seeking answer for these questions is like putting urself in trouble …bt widout knowing d answer ..nothing in life make sense to me.
I just want a “corner of peace “..in this world ..where whenever I get tired , confused by all thses question ,..i cud sit alone for hours n seek d answers from myself….

"true factor"

today i discovered a new thing in me which was in me bt i was nt aware of it...tht thing is my need of"true factor"
whtever i wnt in my life shd b "true"...true frnds,true luv, true feelings, true relations...true conscious. evrythin shd b true...true...true..!! sunne me achha lag sakta hai ye word "true" bt milna bahut mushkil hai , i tell u..
in cheezo k sath prob ye hai ki milni toh hai nahi bas sapne he dekhte reh jao aur agar aap lucky rahe n upar describe ki hui cheejo me se aap ko kuch mil bhi jae toh aap k bhav badh jate hai...u start desiring 4 more...take ex. of me:
true frnd- i hav it
true life-dnt knw
true conscious-may b
true relations-dnt knw
true heart-i hav it
last bt nt d least true love-iske baare me ..m sure"kabhi nhi hoga"..


meri maniye toh u also remove dis "true" word frm ur dictionary ...jo mile usse kaam chala lo..
ye jo "true "vali philosophy hai na..bechare se dil k charo taraf ek strong vali deewar bana deti hai...jispe har normal, "not-so-true bt gud" bande ke liye "NO ENTRY" likha hota hai...vaise ye normal "not-so-true-bt gud" cheeje bhi buri nhi hoti...:) bt if u have tht wall around ur heart like me..toh aapko un cheejo ki achhaiya bhi dikhai nhi deti...n if fortunately dikh bhi jaye toh aap use ignore karte ho...coz entry toh deni nahi hai use heart me....
sooo bachaiye bechare se apne masoom dil ko iss bimari se...coz in d wait of "true" , "normal"....n "nt-so -true-bt gud" will leave u frever n won't cum again..
don't look for perfection all d tym...!

Missing_Links_

Howdy friends…!

Nwdays m facing a drastic change in myself…yeah I mean..earlier I was well known for believing ppl. Easily now I don’t trust..hmm..so many questions come to my mind regarding a person..abt their intentions. behavior n all. I don’t knw y?????...i guess pehle in colg tym I was surrounded by my best buddied..:) but then colg finished n v grew at once… I wish those days cud hav remained forever. These things r running like hell in my mind. Soo..v were discussing the “trust”. Whn frnds were there everythin seemed so protective…in every decision …confusion …whtever we used to get valuable advices, or sumtyms warning(I used to get lotz of them hehe…)
Thnx to my frnd …but know be it making new frnds, buying a new dress or watching a new movie…sab kuch khud he karna padta hai…!:(

I think its not easy for me to build tht kind of trust again..may be I don’t wanna do tht.!
U knw once I was reading my orkut scraps and….and I read those scraps tht used to make me upset..but whn I read them again..i got to knw tht my frnds were right..i was realy crazy..:)..but still tht was also a passion..n quite natural.. ab I miss tht passion…feelings..like I hav become a dry person..tht I never wanted to be..!

Iss situation pe pankaj udhas ki kuch lines yaad aa gyi “ kya honge hum kharab…zamana kharab hai..”!!!

Not my fault..m just responding to this selfish world..coz here feelings doesn’t matter…everybody has a motive to be fulfilled..
I miss my kinda world…!!

ROCKSTARZ

U know when u have so much to say..u don’t find words. Same thing is happening with me..i have a full story but ab lag raha hai..y to write so much its just one line that taught me lot.” Whatever happens ..happens according to god’s will”.

I was worried…upset. disappointed ..tht y things r not happening as I planned them, where is my fault.. I have gud intention , dedication…nw I knw tht y it was so…coz things were happening according to god’s plan..which is above all…

There was a reason behind everything. Reason …was , hmmm…I guess god wanted me to see the so called practical life…n yeah..nw I hav bit experience of it...

Basically I learnt a lot…tht life is harsh, full of stupids n morons…who tried to manipulate ..

For a while I was realy upset bcoz of my professional life. Nw I knw clearly tht professional and personal goals should not be mixed anyhow. Apne kaam me itna bhi jyada involve nhi hona chahiye..:)

My event oops ..sry not mine I shd say “the event” “ROCKSTARZ” gave me lott.. I needed that practical touch of world hehe…

We never claim sumthing as “my”, “mine”, “myself”. We shd dedicate everything to GOD. I did that mistake and he taught me in his way..!!

Anyways…as I learned some imp. Lessons in life...so I also can say “I have experience”.(never got a chance to talk like matures )

"deja vu"....

where hav i been?? ...i knw iknw its been long since i upgraded my blog ..no excuses...cozi hav run out of thm..actully the thing is tht i was dead lazy to post anything though i hav written two posts but didn't type them . anyways...

i opened my eyes n found i was in a long corridor n whn i came outside d corridor..wht i saw..was a military base camp..a helicopter takin cadets to sumwhre.there were commanders n al, military officers..one of my school frnd told me to go into tht big chopper. i sat in it.i was afraid ,i never were inside the helicoptor ..hightphobia was also d reason...v reached to d hostel.there were two wings ,one for the gals n another one 4 d guys. i was shocked to c..wht m doin here?? few days back i was planning for an event "a rockband competition"...suddenly wht hapnned...my whole life was changed...my kind of girl...simple,artistic,cute,writer...was in military school....learning how to fire...#$%wht the hell...


we get up early in d morng...these army ppl. don' undersand tht i used to get up @ 9 am...tough life here...!
@5 am...we were doing parade,running,,jumping..u knw this experience was not tht bad actully i luv to wear those army uniforms..i luk more cute in thm..:) and feeling of being patriotic is quite awsum...we were goin to mess for our breakfast...and suddenly....I WOKE UP..n i found tht it was a dream...!! oh god..it was 8:30 a,..n i was getting late to get ready 4 my office,but wht a dream i had...:) superb...had fun ..it is like...get the feeling of"deja vu"(feeling somethin tht never hav happened or u never did..means experiencing without doings hav u ever felt.,..."deja vu"...i felt...!!